I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
