Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
