Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
