some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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