Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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