How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
