She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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