dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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