i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
