I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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