OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
