that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
