I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
