ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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