I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your penis caused this!
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