I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Im part way to drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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