around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
