Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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