We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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