I bet he comes in French.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
