he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
