My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
