Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
