What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
