Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
