I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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