so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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