WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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