I think I died a long time ago.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
