I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
