my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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