if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize