oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
