Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
two words: eviction party
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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