dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
