Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
