Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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