In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just wanna soil my oats bro
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
