You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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