1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize