I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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