I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
