think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm jealous of your bromance
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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