Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
