You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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