You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
