So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
