i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
