This girl is more easily done than said...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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