I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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