You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
