I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize