what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
this hospital has no fireball
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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