cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
COCAINE IS GR8
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
