yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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