I can tuck mytits in my pants
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
