How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
