one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize