Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
