I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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