I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
