Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
