he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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