why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
