Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
