You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
