I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
